SEI UN VERO CANOISTA WHITEWATER?

1. Everytime you pass over a bridge you check if there's a river underneath (and your angry if it’s a road).

2. When you go swimming you get changed in the car park.

3. All of your clothes have been worn on the water at one point or another.

4. You are hated by all of your colleagues for being happy when it’s raining on a Friday.

5. You know the roads of the Alps better than your own town.

6. You pick fantasy lines down flooded streets.

7. Soggy sandwiches are quite acceptable.

8. Blades, Siphons & Cranks all have different meanings to those of your friend's.

9. A chat with a paddling mate in the pub can completely baffle 'normal people'.

10. Flip flops are worn all year round.

11. You have several uses for your car mats.

12. You sleep in your car/van when on business trips.

13. You hate the Canoe Union.

14. You put sex wax on your shaft in car parks and dont get arrested.

15. All of your cash is tied up in Kit!

16. You know ALL the best places to eat in North Wales

17. Palm, Palmless Mits makes sense.

18. 'My thick shaft' is not a rude phrase

19. Tail Squirting makes sense.

20. Swimming has a WHOLE different meaning!

21. There are several places underneath your car where you hide your keys.

22. One room in your house always stinks of soggy kit.

23. You bath/shower always has dirty residue in it.

24. You try to edge whilst reverse parking.

25. You get angry when someone mentions 'JJs' or 'Whitewater Active'

26 You always check the local weirs after heavy rain desperate to see if a feature forms.

27. You return to work from your holiday (weekend!) more exhausted than when you left.

28. You have loads of work to get done, but still go for a session at Turbigo wave

29. You tell everyone that the crappy weir near your house is the most awesome spot ever!

30. You choose a car based on the interior length so your kayak can fit inside.

31. You choose a car based on the amount you can put on the roof.

32. Your definition of paddling is not wading ankle deep in the sea.

33. Your holidays are planned around paddling time.

34. You think nothing of breaking ice to get out on the water.

35. The criteria for choosing anything is how appropriate it is for paddling.

36. Boof isn't just a word that flashes up on screen when someone gets punched in Batman.

37. You get really angry when someone refers to paddles as 'oars'.

38. You have several sets of different Thule roof-rack 'feet' in your shed from your previous cars.

39. You refer to 'pulling over' as 'eddying out'.

40. You have hard skin on the inside of your thumbs from gripping your paddle.

41. You have a phobia of fishermen.

42. You never pay for T-shirts.

43. You want to run the log flume in your kayak.

44. When you move house you find suitable storage for your boats before thinking about furniture!

45. You make sure your new car comes with roof racks but not as an option, as a clincher for the deal!

46. You steal swimming pool floats to use as outfitting for your kayaks.

47. You feel daft after dropping paddling lingo into a conversation with a non paddler without realizing.

48. You get really annoyed when people call it "rowing"

49. You look at a stream and imagine your 'line' if you were ant-sized.

50. You use river signals in crowded supermarkets.

51. You describe your house as being on road right.

52. You can't associate the word "strainer" with cooking utensils.

53. "Roll" is not a type of bread.

54. A "brace" is not a piece of medical equipment. (unless your name is Robson)

55. At your wedding you find yourself in wedding suit/dress sliding down a river bank checking the gauge.

56. You think of bin bags as something warm and dry to wear.

57. You want to try on clothes at the shop and you strip down beside the clothes rack.

58. You have no doubt that anything can be fixed with duct tape.

59. Your doormat says "Put in Here."

60. You can't understand why anyone would want an airbag in a car - or how it would fit.

61. Your spell checker has learned all the river names.

62. More pictures on your desk of you in a boat than of your spouse and kids

63. You worry less about a big scratch in your car, than about a small one in your composite boat.

64. You plan business trips where there are rivers. (and when they're full)

65. You buy a cheap bike because you can use it to self shuttle, without worrying about it being stolen.

66. Telling the kids to break in/out of the flow when teaching them to drive in traffic.

67. When you get back from a trip and you've forgotten that you should go indoors to use the loo.

68. You can find your car straight away in a supermarket because of the bright plastic on the roof.

69. When "a bit of skirt" is a loose piece neoprene in your car.

70. When a McNasty isn't fast food.

71. You would never expect to find oil in the sump (or soda in a siphon...)

72. When 'Great Summer' is a lie.

73. When your choice of chocolate bar revolves around how waterproof the packaging is.

74. Your dog is called blunt.

75. When you would rather have a T5 than an MX5 or A5

76. You can wave your blades around in public and not get arrested.

77. You know a Dagger is not a knife.

78. When you buy a 16ft paddling pool for the back garden and never swim in it.

79. When talking about the Jacksons has a whole new meaning.

80. When buying your new 'sweet' doesn't mean a trip to DFS.

81. When being in the water with a Pyranha doesn't scare the hell out of you.

82. When your phone/TV remote can be used as a teaching aid.

83. When 800 for a water bottle isn't extortionate, as long as it comes with a free boat!

84. Your last will & testament states that you want to be cremated in your boat Viking style.

85. When your Christmas list is up made from TuttoCanoa’s catalouge.

86. A sponge is not an odd part of your sports equipment.

87. A shuttle is not as fast, nor fun as it should be.

88. Peak is nothing to do with a mountain.

89. Nookie equipment can be worn in public.

90. You can take your 'Magnum, Sniper & Big Gun' to America and not get shot.

91. Your B.A. doesn't prevent you from getting shot.

92. You can amaze travel agents by turning down a 'Hot & Sunny' destination.

93. All your mate's have odd names like 'Beans' 'Spooner' 'Mouse' 'Afghan' & 'Dave'

94. Your porn has an unusual lack of naked women.

95. Banjo music REALLY scares you.

96. A riverside pub can either be Excellent or Boring, regardless of price, service or choice of beer.

97. A man in a skirt isn't a reason to run away.

98. Welsh is a second language.

99. There is an upside to having a flood in your town.

100. Square Rock is not an odd geological formation.